When we’re 10, we can’t wait to turn 13… at 14 we long to be 16… then it’s 18, 21, 25 (if we have a good driving record)… then our desire for those big birthdays seems to taper off.

At 29 we’re amazed that 30 is just around the corner… and 40 is only a hop, skip, and a jump away!

I celebrated the BIG 40 almost two years ago. It wasn’t too traumatic, and I like to think I’m aging gracefully (humor me). To be honest… up until recently, if someone asked me how old I was, I had to really think about the answer.

Unfortunately, this carefree attitude has been replaced with a feeling of anxiety and fear. For the majority of my adult life I’ve joked about turning 49. Now that it’s rapidly approaching… it suddenly isn’t so funny.

Let me explain… just over ten years ago I received a phone call from my dad. He and my mom had been on a business trip to Vegas, and were traveling back to Georgia.

They had a brief stop in Utah on their flight home, and when they arrived a few minutes late… they only had a short time to get to their next gate for boarding.

As they rushed through the airport, my mom was having trouble catching her breath. My dad was concerned, but she kept saying she’d be fine. Eventually he could see that she didn’t look well and made her sit down.

A few minutes later, it was apparent something serious was wrong and my dad knew they weren’t going to make the connection. Soon the airport sent help, and then the ambulance came to transport her to a local hospital.

Thankfully my parents never boarded that second flight. My mom was having a heart attack, and within days she had seven (yes, seven!) bypasses performed.

They were stuck in Utah for weeks… their lives were completely turned upside down… but my mom was going to make a full recovery, and that was the important thing.

This brings us back to turning 49. My mom had her heart attack shortly after her 49th birthday. This by itself probably doesn’t sound that serious, but there’s more…

My grandma (mom’s mom) passed away from a heart attack… guess what the magic number was… 49! There are many other cases of heart disease in the family, but these two instances are enough to concern me (and now my doctor). Just in case you still think I’m being overly paranoid… my dad had four bypasses performed only two years after my mom!

Once I had children, mortality became all too real for me. You don’t realize how different you’ll feel about dying until you’ve given birth to these little creatures that are 100% dependent on you for ALL of their needs.

Now that the dreaded 49 is a mere seven years away… I can’t help but wonder and worry. I get regular check-ups, eat well, and exercise (sort of). The sad thing is… one place that’s extremely tough to monitor are our arteries.

You can have an EKG or a stress test, but to know if those arteries are clogged or not is a mystery. I know they’re coming out with new tests and ultrasounds to try and get a better look… but my doctor doesn’t offer anything like this yet. I’ve been in to see him as recently as last week, and we’re working on bringing my anxiety levels down… then we can discuss other preventative options.

Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And if worry can’t accomplish a little thing like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things? Luke 12:25-26

What I’m coming to realize (slowly) is there isn’t anything more I can do. I’ll continue to take care of myself, work with my doctor, enjoy my family, and pray!

There are no guarantees in life, and for obvious reasons… stress is the LAST thing me or my heart need right this minute. So now it’s time for me… someone who has been a worrier and a stresser since I was a young girl… to try and make some serious changes. I know I’m not alone, and that He will give me the courage and strength I need.

I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me. Psalm 16:8

I need to trust more, fret less, and hang onto the faith and hope that have brought me through some incredibly difficult times in the past… and I know won’t fail me now!

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