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At the last carnival, we met Mark and Melanie. We soon discovered that the Kindness Mel had shown her husband over the years wasn’t what he needed to feel loved. They had come to a point where there wasn’t much goodness or compassion left in their marriage.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14

If Mel and Mark can let goodness back in… and apply humility, gentleness, and forgiveness to their relationship, let’s see if things look any different…

My goodness… I had no idea!

“We need to talk,” Mark said forlornly as he watched his wife fold a stack of clean towels.

Melanie quickly looked up, a look of concern crossing her brows at the sadness she heard in his voice. “Is everything alright, Mark?”

Love is patient

“I’m not happy, Mel. I’ve been trying to tell you, but I don’t think you’ve heard me. I keep praying for patience, and now realize I need to communicate my needs more clearly.”

“I thought my subtle hints would be enough and you’d somehow know. I want to feel like I matter and that I’m important to you. Last month when Penny left for college, I really hoped that things might be different. I prayed that with all the kids grown and out of the house, you’d pay more attention to me… ” Mark’s voice tapered off mid-sentence.

Love is Kind

Melanie wiped a tear from her eye, then set the towel she’d been unsuccessfully attempting to fold on the edge of the couch. She timidly approached the spot where Mark was sitting with his head in his hands, and sat down beside him…

“I’ve taken care of you and the kids for most of my life. I wanted you to know how much I love all of you. I cooked, kept the house clean, ran all the errands, made sure the kids got to all their appointments and activities. I tried not to bother you with that stuff unless I had no choice. I thought you were happy not to be inconvenienced with those things, Mark.”

“Mel, I DID appreciate all that you did… and STILL do for us. The problem is, that isn’t what makes me FEEL loved. I’m sorry I didn’t explain it better and clearer before. I also see that it wasn’t fair to expect so much without giving more in return.”

“You mean those times you mentioned us having two different love languages… and we laughed about how ours are completely opposite?” She asked him, knowing that they both had needs that hadn’t been met.

“I guess so… and I shouldn’t have made light of it. I’m sure you’ve felt neglected at times too,” he replied sighing deeply.

It Does Not Envy

“I guess we both were too wrapped up in our own stuff to see how hard it was on the other. It was difficult with you working so many hours, but I could have been more understanding. Maybe if I’d focused more on you and less on the kids,” she sobbed.

“I thought that the recognition I was getting from my job would suffice, and that you and the kids didn’t really need me around. You were taking such good care of everything around here that I felt left out… and even a little jealous. I could have been more helpful to you, and more of a dad to the kids,” he said as he gently placed his hand on Melanie’s trembling fingers.

It Does Not Boast

“I’m sure it wasn’t easy for you to feel like an outsider in your own home. That was never my intention. I was only trying to get by and make the best of a difficult situation.”

“I can see that now, Mel. At the time I assumed you wanted all the glory from the kids… now I’m sorry I didn’t give you… or them… any others options.”

It Is Not Proud

“I wish you would have told me how deeply you were hurting, instead of putting up walls and busying yourself with so much work. All I ever wanted was to be a good wife and mom. I wasn’t trying to be stubborn or shut you out of our lives. You mean everything to me, Mark. You always have and always will!”

“I mistakenly blamed you for all of the disappointments in my life. My expectations weren’t realistic, and I didn’t express myself well at all. I needed more than you were able to give. I’m sorry I let it come between us for so long… it won’t happen again. I love you, Melanie.”

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

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