Have you ever known anyone who completely obsesses over things? If you have dinner at their house do you feel you’re being watched to make sure no crumbs fall on the floor…do they straighten the vase on the table repeatedly when it looks perfectly fine to start with? If you’ve had a meal at our home you might say “yes”.
It sounds laughable and the majority of the time I totally agree. Unfortunately there are days when there is no laughter in our home and I’m on my knees praying/begging for patience. Our oldest child has OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) which has been known to tear families to shreds…having lived with it in our home for so many years I completely understand why.
My husband and I never gave much consideration to our own obsessive behaviors when we were dating or first married…how could either of us be upset that we BOTH wanted the house to be spotless and believed no dish could sit in a sink overnight? Why would it bother us that the VHS tapes and DVD’s were in alphabetical order and the toilet paper had to be hung a certain direction (over of course).
It started to matter when our son was a toddler and began lining up his Hot Wheels in a perfectly straight line, wouldn’t wear any shirts that had a tag on the ‘inside’ and if I wasn’t first in line to pick him up from Pre-K he was positive I’d been killed in a tragic accident. These are only a few of the minor obsessions/compulsions he displayed when he was younger and the list is endless.
In my experience one of the hardest parts in dealing with OCD is that it can be seriously debilitating although looking at a person you certainly can’t tell. I call it the ‘silent battle’ because it takes place on the inside and no one knows what horrors the person is facing or what awful mind-game is being played. Many people can’t accept it as ‘real’ because they can’t ‘see’ it and don’t understand.
Most of us have watched specials on this disease and the different treatments available. These shows portray the worst possible cases as well as extreme forms of therapy. The people inflicted are too afraid to leave home due to fear of germs or might believe if they don’t perform certain ‘rituals’ someone will die…then we see them licking toilet seats and being forced to refrain from those rituals until they are convinced no bad consequences follow. 
If you pay close attention at the end of these documentaries you will probably hear or read that although it appears there have been huge breakthroughs, these same people may develop a new ‘fear’ to replace the old ones, are continually in therapy and take medications to assist them along the way. I’m not saying there is no ‘hope’, I’m just being real…after years of counseling as well as CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) my son still struggles.
In the past few years our daughter has started showing some signs of counting and has a huge obsession with numbers. She has her own way of dealing with controlling things when they become bothersome and the perfectionist qualities she displays (at this point) haven’t interfered with her schoolwork/homework (thankfully).
Romans 5:3-4 Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
Our family has good days and bad just like everybody else and I believe the kids will be stronger for all they’ve overcome. There are a few ‘benefits’…our son has the cleanest room of any teen boy I’ve ever known (there’s always a bright side in every situation) and our daughter has a color coordinated closet and amazing grades. We’ve been blessed with these children and I’d like to think one day they’ll feel blessed they had us. With a lot of faith, love and patience we will persevere!
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Wow, it’s incredible to hear what people have to live with that we never see.
Thank you for sharing this, Bridget!
for six months now, a co-worker has been trying to convince me i’m ocd (he’s extremely ocd, and takes medication for it, and also has a psychology minor). his reasoning? i don’t step on cracks (rationally, i know the world won’t crumble, but there’s still an…unshakable dread…), i frequently count my steps–especially on a staircase–and can tell you exactly how many stairs there are on clark’s campus, at my workplace, and in most of my friends’ houses, as well as anywhere i’ve spent time at more than once. when my room is clean (operative phrase), everything is absolutely perfect: my closet is organized by type, size, and color, and i spend time every evening putting things away–or i can’t sleep. and when my room is not clean, i suffer more stress than finals week, hospitals, and lack of sleep combined, but for months on end, because there’s usually another reason that my room is not clean, which i struggle to overcome.
anyways, that being said, i am not ocd. i identify with jillian, even if i don’t know what andrew goes through, but even so, as i read this, i couldn’t help but laugh and cry a little with the realization… maybe… naw… sigh…?
Functioning with OCD is much simpler/easier than ‘living’ with and accepting it. I understand and feel your pain Riss. Jillian is ‘functioning’ well with the issues she faces but unfortunately her brother has much bigger mountains to climb which causes him even more problems that make daily life difficult (more than a teen already has to deal with). I’ve been living what I’d consider a ‘normal’ life even with my psycho anal compulsions…so there is hope!
LOL
Fascinating post, Bridget–and so honest of you to share your family’s struggles. This compulsion runs very strong in my family as well–have seen cross- generational “cleaning tile grout at two in the morning” binges when we are under stress. But have also (alleluia!) seen the peace that faith can bring to allay anxiety. “Let go and let God” is the ultimate therapy (and biggest relief) for the compulsive, controlling, and fearful person.
And it doesn’t hurt to take a lot of slow deep breaths . . .
You understand well what it is like…thank you for sharing. We are the fortunate ones because we have a God who is bigger than ALL of our anxieties and fears (and yes deep breaths are a MUST!)
Your children are lucky to have you both as parents – many do not recognize these issues nor do they have the strength or ability to deal with them. We are never given more than we can handle – bless you for being a wonderful mom.
Thank you for the reinforcement. I know many parents face much more difficult struggles with their children and my heart goes out to them. I know I am fortunate and try to remember to count my blessings (sometimes after counting to 10…LOL).
Bridget, my husband has OCD. It definitely is a struggle at times! You put it perfectly here: “I call it the ’silent battle’ because it takes place on the inside and no one knows what horrors the person is facing or what awful mind-game is being played.”
As hard as it is to live with someone with OCD, I can’t even being to imagine what it’s like for my husband. Our bright side, though, is that he is an AMAZING father — very cautious and caring. I couldn’t imagine safer hands into which to place my rambunctious toddler. If there is a scenario of things that could go wrong, I guarantee you, my husband will have thought of it first!
I wish you and your family the best. My husband is definitely stronger because of what he’s been through.
Thanks Carrie. It is so true that if there is a scenario that is even a remote bit possible…us “OCDers” will think of it! So many people struggle yet there are many happy endings in OCD!
That’s a very tough thing for anyone to have to deal with, much less a child. I agree with Thesa. He’s blessed to have you both as parents.
And toilet paper OVER the roll? I always thought it was UNDER. But then again, I saw that on the Simpsons. They lie sometimes.
It is always amazing to hear what is going on under the surface of people that we would never think and to give some context to our own quirks and obsessions. Sounds like you are doing a great job with them.