My son just got a Transformers mask that he plans to wear on Halloween. When he first tried it on, I was amazed at how much it covered up. I couldn’t tell if he was smiling, angry, or sticking his tongue out at me. (Not that he’d EVER do such a thing!) 
This week I was talking to some friends about this same subject. We discussed how hard it can be to write about certain topics, and that often we find ourselves holding back from things we’d like to share, or feelings we wish we could communicate. Instead of being completely open, we hide behind the safety and security of our masks. The reasons for being vague can vary, but the end result is the same.
It’s possible we’re playing it safe to protect someone. In my case, that ‘someone’ would be my family. I don’t want to say too much, causing my loved ones to feel like I’m giving more information than they’re comfortable with. I need to be cautious not to divulge anything that could label them, or expose things that are better left unsaid for the time being.
I find it very interesting that with all the online interaction we have today, we can become anyone we choose to be. What our status is on FB, or what we say in 140 characters or less, is completely up to us. We can be totally outrageous, deeply serious, or devoutly religious.
Occasionally I’ll read a post that makes me stop and wonder if the person that wrote it would talk/act that way in ‘real life’. Would they use ‘those’ words and tell ‘those’ jokes around their family and friends? Does the person who says they’ll pray for you really follow through with the hundreds to thousands of people they promise each day?
In this way I believe our computers are like a mask. We ‘put them on’, and then say whatever we feel like saying… all the while hiding safely in the comfort of our homes or at work, where no one can see our actual faces and expressions.
We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin. ~André Berthiaume
While out with friends Friday night, I mentioned that people who follow me online may wonder at times who the real ‘me’ is. If someone were to actually pay attention to the conversations and comments, do they feel like I’m genuine and consistent, or more like I’m schizophrenic?
While the latter may be somewhat true, I hope that my ‘friends’ know I just want to be real. There are various pieces that fit together to create the messed up whole person they’ve come to tolerate know. I hope and pray that by putting it ‘ALL out there’, others will see and relate to the ‘work in progress’ I really am.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. ~Dr. Seuss
It is extremely difficult to write, and then to display your words for the whole world to see… especially when you’re revealing personal information and stories that leave you feeling completely vulnerable.
Most of the writers/bloggers (myself included) that I’ve spoken to about this, believe by sharing stories from their own lives, they may inadvertently help someone who has been through, or is dealing with a similar situation. A person may ‘stumble’ across something you’ve written, that helps them realize they’re not alone and there is hope!
A new and dear friend, Sarah Salter, recently posted this line in one of her awesome blog posts:
“I continued writing for my audience of one. I just put my little “Dear God” letters out there where anybody could read them.”
I love how eloquently Sarah explained why she shares her experiences and stories.
I honestly believe that if we’re writing from our hearts, setting the masks aside, our words will be real and genuine. In a perfect scenario (God willing), those raw emotions and heart-wrenching memories we ever so hesitantly push the ‘publish’ key on, will reach the person who needs to read them the most.
Ephesians 2:10 For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Whether we have a huge following… or only a few… if we make a difference in just ONE life… isn’t that precisely why we put ourselves out there to begin with?
Are you hiding behind a mask… or is what you’re portraying to the world the real you?
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When I started blogging it was strictly for me (that sounds oh so nice doesn’t it?)…what I mean though is that I had big changes happening in my life and a lot to think about…writing out my thoughts has always helped me process what’s in my head. I stumbled into blogging and accidentally found that some of what resonates with me also resonates with others but I can never predict what that will be. I sometimes write a post and think wow, that hit such a chord with me yet it may not get any comments. On the other hand a post I might feel so so about will generate quite a lot of feedback and often there is someone who says, ‘hey, just what I needed to hear today.’
In the end my blog is still pretty much a journal of sorts and I can’t see the point in being disingenuous. The blogs I go back to are the ones where the honesty is apparent…they talk about life, warts and all, usually with a little bit of humor thrown in to the mix…those are the ones that speak to me.
Joyce, I too find that when I write a post that really means a lot to me, those are usually the days I don’t get many comments. Then other times, lots of comments on a topic that I didn’t think I ‘felt’ as much… funny how that works.
Thanks for sharing!
Wow. This is great, Bridget. As one of your online friends, I can say that you don’t seem any more schitzo than the rest of us. No fear, you are very genuine and encouraging. I am very happy to have ‘met’ you. Now it’s just frustrating that we are 3000 miles away and can’t meet for coffee
Yes, why do you have to live so far away? The ‘real’ online friendships are great, but I’d love some ‘face to face’ time too!!
As someone who knows you and Dale only through the online world (but can’t wait to meet over a Whiffies someday), I have to say I think you’re genuine. Sure you could be hiding all sorts of things that I will never know and be someone I would be shocked to see after my pre-conceived notions (based on online interaction) are gone. But, like many other online “friends” that I have made, I feel a certain “realness” in those I choose to associate myself with.
Reading your blog only makes that more apparent. Your blog is an honest, open look at your thoughts and feelings – I don’t get the feeling you’re holding much back from your readers.
I on the other hand do have a mask…oh wait, I mean, I want a mask – the Transformers one.
I can’t wait to share a fun night at Whiffies with you, Matt.
I try to let the ‘world’ see ME… the good, the bad and the ugly!
Thanks for the comment and I bet my boy would let you borrow the mask… he does think you are pretty cool! I’ll be cool now because you left me a comment… woo-hoo!
I keep telling Dale – keep them away from that CD! Haha.
I learned early on to just be me. For me, it was a big deal. I thought many real estate consumers would hear “rockstar” and immediately think “drug addicted, pornstar dating scumbag.” I almost was just Matt Stigliano and not rerockstar. Although both of them are 100% me, the rerockstar moniker allowed me to use my experiences from my former career as a basis for many things in real estate. I can relate to stories I wouldn’t share if I his my rerockstar-self.
I look forward to Whiffies – I think I’ll hit the brisket first. Tell them a Texas-resident is coming for their brisket. They will ensure they’re prepared.
Not only am I a blogger but I’m a pastor, so almost every area of my life and my family’s life is up for grabs. I do feel like I’m being honest (or at least trying to be). It is hard sometimes, and there are days I’m good at it and enjoy it while there are others that I’m not. Good post to make us think though and allow the Holy Spirit to examine us. Thank you.
And in case you were wondering, yes, I do make TWSS jokes in real life too.
Jason I have no doubt that you are genuine. I also believe there is no question that you TWSS in all areas of your life!
Yes, Bridget, I do believe you are genuine. No one is deep or funny all the time. We are honest in sharing who we really are at that moment we are writing. When I write about friends or cousins, I often change their names so that they feel some measure of privacy. I know my blog isn’t world renown, but my aunt or cousins might feel awkward to find a story with their name on it, even without a surname.
When I promise to pray for someone, I usually stop my tweeting or whatever I am doing right then and there and do it. Hopefully I remember to pray for them again at the end of the day, but I don’t want to forget a promise as serious as that so I try to keep it immediately.
Helen, I also stop right then if I say I’ll pray… reality is if I wait I’ll either forget or get too busy and distracted.
Changing names is a great idea. I try not to use any names, but sometimes that is difficult!
I’m with Helen. I’ll protect family and friends when I write about them by changing names and circumstances, but when it comes to writing about myself, honesty really is the best policy. Which is why there are few things in life that require more courage than writing.
And if there is one genuine person in this world, Bridget, it’s you.
I agree that writing does take a tremendous amount of courage. I always worry someone will be hurt or take something the wrong way.
You and Helen are smart to change names/circumstances, I’m going to look at that to possibly write about topics I’d have to avoid otherwise.
Thank you for the kind words, Billy. It means the world to me!
Someone posted a link to this on Twitter – great blog post. You have echoed some of my thoughts, but in a much better way than I could have got it across – I have even thought about blogging about this.
I do tend to shield the “real me” on my blog, though I have created an anonymous blog where I openly talk about my struggles and the real me.
Thanks for the great post – enjoyed it
Mark, I’m glad you stopped by. An anonymous blog is a great way to really share and not have to ‘hide’.
Thank you for the encouraging words!
Hi Bridget,
I’ll cut to the chase, I like you. I am concerned that you may be overly worried about hurting someone else with what you may write.
More often than not, in my attempts to not hurt someone, they inevitably wind up hurt anyway. When I do not listen to (suppress) the ‘real’ voice inside of me, my writing suffers greatly as a consequence. As a result, I do myself a disservice.
I find it interesting that you ‘insert’ the term ‘schizophrenia’ in your piece of writing today. Are you well-versed in the psychiatric realm of schizophrenia or what constitutes schizophrenic behavior?
R.D. Laing (Author of the Divided Self & Self and Others amongst many other pieces of literature) has profound existential views on this topic if it may be of any interest to you.
I have no clue what else you discussed throughout this post – I am hopped up questionable amounts of caffeine.
Great website!
Matthew, I’m suffering from an overdose of caffeine myself!
I’m glad you ended up here. Thanks for taking the time to read (as much as your buzz allowed) AND comment.
I’m not sure how much of an expert I am on schizophrenia, but I do know that my posts on Twitter may appear to be the work of someone with MPD or excessive manic tendencies (don’t most writers suffer from this?)
An online support group to which I belong, Our Cancer (at NPR), is an extraordinary place. Honesty and openness distinguish it. No less is possible because the experience of a devastating illness — and that experience may be as the person with the illness, the person we call the lifegiver/caregiver, a friend, or any number of other relationships — involves a stripping down that leaves you enormously vulnerable. What’s so amazing, however, is the community that rises as one to offer support, because we all speak the same language. It’s an incredible thing to be part of a group when all the masks come off.
Hello Maureen,
While my husband was ill, we subscribed to a Hodgkin’s support group online and it was an amazing experience! You are right about the masks coming off and everyone being raw & real!
Thanks for the comment!
Bridget, I know how hard it is for you to share and I can attest to how real you are
and I appreciate being able to read what you have to say seeing that we don’t get to talk as much as we used to.
Laurie, you understand the struggles I have being 100% upfront with all I’d like to share. I’d like to help others if they are facing the same types of ‘event’s, but I do need to protect my loved ones. Thanks for the kind words. I really appreciate you!
Riss, LOL thanks for the 99.99999% vote of confidence! You definitely understand the bi-polar moments when you’re ‘fictional’ characters try to take over and hijack your brain. I’m glad I’m not alone in this…
I’ve come back to this article several times today. It even drove me to the dictionary … looking up honesty and authenticity … wondering if there is a difference in the two. Not being a writer, words aren’t as readily available as I would like at times. Rest assured, the wheels are in motion … the motives of our hearts are so easily disguised from even ourselves … Jesus knew {of couse!} the depth to which our hearts deceive us. I’m not sure it’s something we ever have a 100% revelation of … our own hearts, that is. Sometimes, it’s in the writing, that revelation comes. And then I have to lay down my pen … and change.
Susan, you definitely sound like a writer to me! Wonderful words and thoughts! Thank you…
Bridget,
as someone who knows you not only in the “online” world, but in the “real” world, also, I think I can say you’re pretty dang genuine online. Well, 99.99999999999999999999999999999999999999% of the time.
As for schizophrenia, I’d vote more for the excessive manic tendencies. And I would agree that most of us who write consistently do have problems with those… *cough* but not me. Nope. I was definitely not up at three o’clock this morning, compulsively putting away laundry, writing poetry, and journaling. Definitely not.
Hello again Bridget,
Your entry really has me thinking;
‘Masks’, ‘Self-deceptive behaviors’, and ‘Authenticity’, all modes of behavior that are related to the internal well-being of the individual.
My very good friend, Andrew Thorn, writes voraciously about ‘masks’ and ‘authenticity’. Please check out some of his thoughts here;
http://www.andrewthorn.com/theauthenticme/. You and him may have some serious commonalities and parellels in your thoughts and writings.
Sincerely,
Matthew
Matthew, I clicked the link and did a quick glance over. I need to check him out much more thoroughly when I have a minute.
Thanks for the link. I really believe that if you’re going to share (blog) and are willing to lay it all out there, you may as well be real and as honest as possible. This is who and what I strive to be…
Bridget- I heard yesterday that advertisers are salivating over social media search engine opportunities because people tend to be less inhibited online than in real life. In other words, they will reveal things online that they might not ordinarily say to people face to face. Weird, but it apparently is a phenomenon that many of us fall into because the words are written when we are alone, to be read later, rather than in an immediate social setting. Weird.
I think people are trying to be a version of themselves that they want to read about, which is still real, but there is also an artistic element to it. You pick and choose what is ok to discuss, and write it in a way that is enjoyable to read. You spend time crafting your sentences. There is something creative and fulfilling about writing a Blog post. But as far as meeting in real life, it’s like you can read an author and feel like you know them and they spoke to you, but you may not get along with them in a social setting at all.
I have spoken on the phone with several online/blogging friends, and will be meeting some of them in the next few months at events, etc. So it is fun to actually go from online to face-to-face. At the end of the day, we are all helping ourselves by Blogging. At least for me, it has been very therapeutic!
I have heard this same thing. I know I feel ‘braver’ (for lack of a better word) when I’m sitting at home sending out messages/tweets/emails… I’m sure I would hold back occasionally, if the same ‘conversations’ presented themselves in ‘real life’.
I too find that blogging is therapeutic, if it doesn’t touch anyone else, it certainly helps me!
Thanks, Bradley.
That was beautiful, Bridget! I often wonder what it would be like to meet and talk in person with the many people I chat with online. I know that you would be the sincere, yet a little nutty at times, friend that I would enjoy kicking back with a bucket of popcorn and a great movie! I love that so many of the people I’ve connected with online don’t seem to be wearing heavy masks that keep the real person from shining through.
Heather, I’m up for popcorn and a movie… anytime! I’ve been pleased to find so many genuine people as well… God is pretty cool like that!