Welcome to the One Word at a Time Blog Carnival on ‘Lust’. I’m excited to be hosting and am looking forward to reading all that you have to share!
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Thanks for participating!
One Word at a Time…Lust
As a mom of a teen boy and a tween girl, the topic of lust is one I can’t avoid! All around us there are advertisements, movies, television shows, books, and music that are full of lustful words, lyrics and images…
“Society drives people crazy with lust and calls it advertising.” ~ John Lahr
Once these ‘thoughts’ have been placed in our heads… desire sets in and things can begin to spin out of control! This is bad news for our impressionable children. They’ve already got raging hormones and huge decisions to make… then they get visions in their heads they can’t shake.
Both our kids (especially the boy), absolutely love music. For Christmas they received iTunes cards, so the battle over song choice is on once again. When they want songs purchased and downloaded to their iPods, the rule is that we (usually dad) first have to know who/what the details of each pick are.
This causes huge amounts of stress and drama in our home. We’ve found listening to music through the ‘ears of a parent’ is a whole new experience…
Music is loaded with sexual undertones (or just completely blatant)… if you think (or your kids have told you) Poker Face is about playing Texas Hold Em… you’d better dig a little deeper!
I was doing a search on Google and a list of Top 10 Lust Songs appeared… or the way they described it: The Top 10 Songs that make you ‘horny’!
The fact sex is so completely desensitized is terrifying to me. I know the struggles, guilt, and turmoil I faced… and this is when ’some’ morality was still being taught in school, and condoms weren’t handed out like candy….
How about what’s being taught at home? I see many parents let their young teens be unsupervised with members of the opposite gender. They don’t monitor the music and/or movies the kids watch… then these same parents are shocked to find out their son or daughter is engaging in promiscuous activity (that sounded way too formal… how about… ‘fooling around’).
When you add fuel to a fire… it’s gonna burn! (Hello?!)
It’s extremely tough to know how to parent properly, and even more complicated deciding how much to share about our own experiences in regard to lustful impulses!
I try to be honest, though how much is too much in the info we give them about our own teenage years?
Do we tell them how overpowering lust can be because we’ve ‘been there, done that’… or just keep telling them how wrong it is because we (the parents) and the Bible say so?
Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
2 Timothy 2:22
How old do kids need to be to understand if they start having sex out of lust… that it will affect them in ALL future relationships? Do they comprehend that the ’satisfaction’ they think they’re achieving if they give in to these desires, will potentially cause them to feel ‘unsatisfied’ when they get married and are in a committed relationship built on love… not lust?
“The more we are filled with thoughts of lust the less we find true romantic love.” ~ Doug Horton
Addicts will say this same thing about porn… it’s almost impossible for the sexual cravings and appetites they have (due to what they’ve let their minds and hearts be filled with) to ever be quelled in a normal sexual relationship with their spouse. How sad is that to live with?
Lust isn’t limited solely to sex… there are obsessions with money (putting it above all else, gambling addictions, etc.)… there’s gluttony (obsessed with food and/or drink)… or it could be the love of fame (always striving for a bigger/better title, or being ‘discovered’)… ALL of these can be extremely unhealthy and are considered lustful…
It makes me think of the first time I tasted a Starbucks Caramel Frappuccino… after that, the thought of a regular old cup of coffee just seems ‘boring’…
or when I crave a See’s Butterscotch Square… and all I have at home is a Rolo… it pales in comparison, and is a complete disappointment. (These examples might seem silly… but it’s the reality)
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7
Whether your lust is of an external nature, such as sexual desires or an overindulgence with food and/or drink… or the internal variety, like the craving for fame, power or money… guard your hearts and minds… because once you’ve ‘tasted’ that one true desire… satisfaction will always feel… just one bite, sip, promotion, roll of the dice, longing or ‘urge’ away…
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We went through the exact same thing with our two boys — music, culture, “everybody does it.” a it’s tough, because the hormones rage and friends and society and a lot of girls say it’s okay. It takes a lot of prayer (especially by mom) and a lot of conversation (especially with dad). And keep praying and keep talking. But there are no guarantees. You just have to trust that Lord is in control. and keep on trusting.
The communications are open and there are lots of prayers going up…. thanks, Glynn!
Oh, my, Bridget I can honestly say, “I’ve been there and done that” with my own three grown daughters. Sometimes I feel like I brought them up by the seat of my pants. But I always tried my best to set a good example. My daughters have all said that it was when I didn’t make myself look like I was perfect at their age is what helped them a great deal. Even in their 20’s, I still find myself challenging them to be true to themselves and God. Such an honest post my friend!
I’m going to keep on being as honest as I can, and try to relate while setting a good example (no pressure)… thanks for the comment, JoAnne.
this was a hard word to even describe, i like how you covered other things besides sexual lust. good post, bridget.
Thank you, nAncY.
I loved how simply stated your post was… but it said so much!
Thanks for reminding us that lust includes the unnatural desire for more than sex!
I submitted post I wrote on Friday, I hope you don’t mind.
Thanks, Sherri.
I’m really glad you included your post, it was great and what a piece of art by your son…
Okay, okay, I did chuckle a bit when you compared physical and sexual lust to that of the difference between See’s and Rolos, but I get it.
It is silly… but at least you got my point…
I loved your stories… and I got a chuckle from ‘Chili’s’… we’re even!
Fair enough. Thanks!
“It’s like tasting the forbidden fruit. Once you’ve had a taste, you cannot stop eating.” This was told to my by a friend in a completely disasterous relationship. In hindsight, I couldn’t agree more.
As a parent of a 5 and 2 year old, I dread what the world will look like when they become tween and teenagers. (hah, the only reason we call someone ‘tween’ is because it’s a new marketing niche) I sympathise with your dilema. The best thing you can do is set the example. Every time I’m out and about and see teeny-boppers in middriff-baring halter tops and low-rise pants, I see their mom dressed the same way. I’m not a prude, but it really hit me when I was out Christmas shopping. I couldn’t believe how parents were dressing.
The apples don’t fall far from the tree.
You are absolutely correct. Kids definitely follow in our footsteps, and it is a huge job to make sure we’re setting the right examples… thanks for these wise words!
Bridget,
I love that you’re opening up this topic for so many perspectives! Though mine causes me (and my family) great grief, it’s tough to share the power of God’s grace unless we are willing to expose the pit from which He rescued us! Thank you for giving us a forum! (Hmm… somehow that word seems ironic, haha.)
Cheryl
When you add fuel to a fire… it’s gonna burn! (Hello?!)
Love this line. And I can so related to your post — my daughters are now 22 and 23 — and honestly. I was more trouble in their teens than they were!
And they will tell you today that they’re okay because, regardless of what was going on — they knew I trusted them to make good choices. And when they didn’t, they knew they could trust me not to explode irrationally, but rather, to deal with whatever the situation was fairly and compassionately. Being a good parent is so much harder than just parenting by the book!
Great post Bridget. I enjoyed it.
Great word choice btw — it was a tough one — and interesting to see what unfolded!
Being a good parent is sooo hard! I believe (as you said) letting them know that if/when they make a poor choice, you’ll be there for them is the key. Communication is huge!
Thanks, Louise.
Yes, I’m on the other side of all this. I’m the teenager who’s grown out of teenagerness. But lust is still a problem for me. I love listening to the different perspectives here.
I love the examples too. How we deal with the small issues (if “small” is even possible with lust) leads to how we deal with the big issues.
Great post, and thank you again for hosting the carnival. Now I’m off to read the others.
-Marshall Jones Jr.
I’ve enjoyed your posts and comments! I think you’re correct and there really aren’t any “small” issues where lust is involved.
All of the posts have been wonderful and honest, and I’ve learned a lot! Thanks, Marshall.
I’m in the tween season of parenting too, so I’m reading these posts with interest. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the chance to write my own. But I plan to absorb as much as possible.
I’m past the tween years, nearly past the teen years as my youngest is 19. It only gets more complicated. My kids live away from home essentially as they are college students…a minefield of temptation in every area. I mentioned The Bachelor in my post…my girls watch it and this is the first season I’ve watched in years…we’ve had some interesting discussions as a result.
I cannot imagine navigating these years without a relationship already firmly in place with my children. It’s so important for parents to establish that early on. It would be difficult to jump into their lives now if I didn’t have the foundation of trust and communication already in place. We’ve always had rules in our house regarding music, speech, movies, boy/girl sleep overs (who would have thought you’d need a rule?), unsupervised parties…they may not appreciate it as young teens but my girls volunteer with Young Life (highschool students) and they can very much appreciate it now. They are completely amazed at what kids are dealing with in highschool.
Rules are so important… my son would like me to believe that none of his friends have rules… but our answer is:
“Well, you do!”
Thanks for the comment, Joyce.
My kids are still small enough that we don’t have the constant barrage (or they aren’t as aware) and they don’t care too much about music yet. It is amazing how much they get from a half-hour disney show- more worldliness than lust I guess, but still… It’s hard to be a Christian parent, but God is able. Thanks Bridget.
Yes, I think we have many years of prayer, patience, and more prayer ahead of us…
Thanks, Jason.
I just google the lyrics to “Poker Face” after reading this.
You mean it’s not about “Texas Hold ‘Em”?
Okay, seriously, I don’t blame you for not wanting your kids to listen to some things. But it is possible that they aren’t lying to you and don’t understand themselves what they are listening to. I didn’t understand the meaning of Frankie Goes To Hollywood’s “Relax” until I heard it on an eighties station (in the car) after being married for two years. All through High School I am singing “Relax, don’t do it, if you wanna…” and I had no idea what I was singing! I almost crashed the car when I realized!
Helen and Steph,
LOL… and I too didn’t realize what some lyrics meant until much more recent in life! I’m shocked as I’m singing along and then the light turns on and I’m appalled! (then I laugh)
My son told me the other day that Poker Face was about Lady Gaga being bisexual… see, I still don’t always understand!
I think Helen has a valid point. I didn’t figure out what Cyndi Lauper’s She Bop was about until I was 30. Wow.
Okay Steph. Up until I googled it just now, I thought it was about dancing… Oh my. Wow is right. I used to sing this one too. As a matter of fact, I was singing it in the car just last week with my husband and uncle sitting in the van. Oooops……
Really… Bopping meant dancing at one time, didn’t it?
Now I have to think of the words… grrr! hehe
Off-subject, slightly. But I wanted to respond to the mysterious getaclewis. But I didn’t feel comfy registering and responding on her blog service, since it’s so clearly a website intended to be a safe haven for women to be painfully honest with each other and find comfort, support, and healing. I would have felt like I was interrupting.
So I’ll post it here. I want her to know somehow (if she sees this) that her willingness to be brutally transparent, self-incriminating, and honest in her confession will probably save a whole bunch of readers from getting immersed (or further immersed) in reprehensible stuff.
Maybe even me. Maybe. Not that I’m sayin’.
There’s a big difference between the heavy hand of hellfire preaching when we know full-well he doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about, and the quiet, gentle, almost timid whisper that says, “You know what? I tried it. And turns out that it sucked. It wasn’t all that interesting anyway. And in the end, I wounded other people, and I get to feel ashamed, too. You sure you wanna add that to your resume?”
Yeah.
Thank you.
Jeff,
http://www.skirt.com would probably get a kick outta your assessment that they’re “a safe haven for women to be painfully honest with each other and find comfort, support, and healing.” True dat, but actually they were first (allegedly) designed to be a liberal forum! haha. I’m one of maybe two conservatives on the site (not that all my stories read like one). The kinder, gentler description is that it’s a women’s magazine (online and print) “all about women… their work, play, families, creativity, style, health and wealth, bodies and souls… skirt! is an attitude.” It does frustrate me (!!) that registration is necessary for comments. I’m HOPING that explains the paltry daily numbers.
All that aside (finally)…
Your comment was huge for me. Weepy big. Thank you.
(See? I can be brief.)
Cheryl
I thought your candidness and honesty was wonderful! If it matters, the registration did deter me from leaving a comment on the site…
Your post is much appreciated! Thank you.
I didn’t wish to log in to make a comment either, but thank you for your courage in sharing your testimony.
I could be brutally honest with my kids and explain to them how lust leaves you completely empty and full of shame, but I’m not so sure that would have dissuaded me had someone been honest with me. More than anything, I think modeling behavoir for our kids is so important. And prayer. Lots and lots of prayer.
You’re right… I think we need to “pray without ceasing”… and yes, they follow our leads and examples… something many of us (parents) forget at times!
I coach at a local high school and I have gotten to the point that not a whole lot of what I see and hear surprises me anymore. Sad (very) but true. These kids have been influenced by the world and like Kat said, we really need to pray for them.
They get hit from every direction and don’t even realize it!
Sorry the link widget has been acting up for you, Annie. I’m glad you got it to post!