If you look up the word jealousy on Wikipedia, you’ll find the following definition:
Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust.
I find it extremely interesting how early this emotion presents itself! When my son was about to turn two he was an absolute angel… then his baby sister came along, and in no time he understood jealousy all too well.
We gave him plenty of extra attention, including him in as much as possible so he wouldn’t feel left out… but this didn’t make him any less insecure!
One evening I was nursing my daughter (she was a couple weeks old) when my son approached us with a loving look on his face. I smiled at him and felt an instant rush of happiness wash over me as I looked at my two beautiful babies, and thought about how well our boy seemed to be adjusting…
He came over and rubbed my arm, then reached down and softly stroked her tiny little arm. He then slowly moved his hand down towards her teeny little fingers. Next, he tenderly bent over and kissed her hand and pulled her adorable baby finger towards his mouth (I assumed so he could kiss it as well)… that’s when it happened…
… it was followed by the blood curdling kind of scream that pierces a mommy’s heart and instantly breaks you out in a cold sweat.
I looked down at my hysterical baby girl who had only seconds before been resting peacefully in a milk coma in my arms. I then glanced up at my son feeling confused and a bit disoriented. When our eyes met, he broke into tears and took off running for his room!
This is the moment my joy was replaced by horror… it’s when I realized jealousy had been knocking for some time… and he’d finally decided to open the door!
Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy? Proverbs 27:4
As reality began to set in, I quickly glimpsed down at her small hand. I could see the bright red bite-mark and it nearly broke my heart… I pulled her closer to calm her (and me) down.
This happened many years ago… but I recall the emotions I experienced all too well. I was mortified at what he’d done, and found it so unfair that she’d had to go through something so painful and unsolicited.
Then I remember thinking about how distraught my son must have been to do something like that. A few days away from turning two… trying to understand and comprehend who this little person was that took time and attention away from him… must have been more than he could handle.
How many times in your life have you felt this kind of insecurity or fear? How would you react if you’re having fertility issues and a friend tells you she is pregnant (again)… or when you’re up for a promotion and the person you’ve been training ends up getting the job instead?
Are you able to handle the neighbors (those unbelieving ones that don’t go… or give to church) getting a new car when yours is falling apart… or that they’re going on another amazing vacation, while you’re struggling to pay the bills? You may think that you’re doing all the right things and wonder… where are MY blessings?!
When jealousy shows up… it can get ugly! If you think that one little ‘bite’ will make it all better… my son can tell you that even as a two year old, it didn’t solve anything.
He cried for hours… and though he did (and will) continue to act out in jealousy towards his sister (she’s more than happy to reciprocate with plenty of her own jealous fits)… there is very little satisfaction to the temporary discomfort this brings!
Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1Thessalonians 5:16-18
Next time jealousy comes a knockin’… don’t open that door! Instead, pray and count your blessings… even on the days you don’t really feel blessed!
Do you deal with bouts of jealousy? How do you handle those times that you’d like to bite and run??
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
ouch…..DOUBLE ouch! This was something that def. stomped on my toes. But man….you couldn’t have timed this more perfectly.
I can sugar coat it and say I am “happy with a touch of envy” …..but what ever way you look at it, I have that ugly green monster that has been creeping up in me lately. Those examples you shared was almost like you had a window into my heart (re: the fertility, the material possessions, etc).
I remember one preacher talking about this topic and she suggested that we try to turn it around by reminding ourselves that if God can bless them, then He surely can/will bless us soon enough. We just have to recognize and trust that He ultimately knows the “which”, the “whens” and the “how much’s”
I think this post just bumped into my Top 5 Favorite Bridget Posts.
I love this post because it speaks to clearly about the grit in my heart. I have written a lot about envy and coveting and jealousy — it’s an emotion I seemd to contend with on a more-than-regular basis. And I’ll never forget the day, too, that my young son asked, quite seriously, when we would be bringing his newborn brother back to the hospital. It wasn’t as physically painful as a bit on the fingertips, but it made my heart cringe nonetheless.
This is a really good one, Bridget!
Know what you’re talking about. Although as I was reading, I confused ‘baby sister’ for ‘babysitter’ and I wondered why your son would be jealous of a babysitter.
We are all going to feel these things. It’s a matter of what we do with it and whether we hold on to it or not. It looks inviting and justifiable, but it’s a mess. Thanks for this post, Bridget.
Jason – Why would Bridget be nursing the babysitter?
Ewww…
what a good verse.
God’s will.
when i bite, i usually feel bad after.
this is such good truth that you have presented.
Are you sure he knew what he was doing? He may have been just as startled by her scream as you were…
I don’t find myself jealous of pregnant friends. But when I read of people who abort, abuse and even kill their children, I cry out to God and ask Him if He really thought I’d be a worse mom than that…
He probably had no idea it would hurt like that… it isn’t like he’d been bitten before to know how it felt.
You will be an amazing mom, Helen!
Jealous only rears its ugly head on occassion, but it’s ugly when it does. I really try not to compare myself to anyone else. That’s the cornerstone of self doubt.
Well said. My jealousy is always about: #1 forgetting to be grateful,
#2 Feeling insecure. The metaphor of your son is perfect. He/me/we
forget who we are, and who’s we are. There is enough for everyone to feel like the favorite, the best beloved.
I agree with the OUCH….DOUBLE OUCH comment. I needed this today more than ever. I’m recently re-married and while I can tell you we are doing wonderfully and better than expected, our “blended” family has some issues. I’m discovering my “bad mood” is just my being jealous of my husbands time with his daughter. HOW DUMB IS THAT? Before we were married we had all kinds of time together alone, laughing…made that a priority actually. Then life hit and we are always going 20 different directions. My time with him is less than before but its not her fault! I see now that I do “bite and run”….and I don’t like it! :0(
Thank you for a VERY timely post. I will pay more attention to my words, actions, feelings as a result. Sigh.
Beautiful! I wanted to bite your little boy back. That’s how well-written it is. (Kidding–about the biting part.)
What a fabulous post Bridget.