When we’re 10, we can’t wait to turn 13… at 14 we long to be 16… then it’s 18, 21, 25 (if we have a good driving record)… then our desire for those big birthdays seems to taper off.
At 29 we’re amazed that 30 is just around the corner… and 40 is only a hop, skip, and a jump away!
I celebrated the BIG 40 almost two years ago. It wasn’t too traumatic, and I like to think I’m aging gracefully (humor me). To be honest… up until recently, if someone asked me how old I was, I had to really think about the answer.
Unfortunately, this carefree attitude has been replaced with a feeling of anxiety and fear. For the majority of my adult life I’ve joked about turning 49. Now that it’s rapidly approaching… it suddenly isn’t so funny.
Let me explain… just over ten years ago I received a phone call from my dad. He and my mom had been on a business trip to Vegas, and were traveling back to Georgia.
They had a brief stop in Utah on their flight home, and when they arrived a few minutes late… they only had a short time to get to their next gate for boarding.
As they rushed through the airport, my mom was having trouble catching her breath. My dad was concerned, but she kept saying she’d be fine. Eventually he could see that she didn’t look well and made her sit down.
A few minutes later, it was apparent something serious was wrong and my dad knew they weren’t going to make the connection. Soon the airport sent help, and then the ambulance came to transport her to a local hospital.
Thankfully my parents never boarded that second flight. My mom was having a heart attack, and within days she had seven (yes, seven!) bypasses performed.
They were stuck in Utah for weeks… their lives were completely turned upside down… but my mom was going to make a full recovery, and that was the important thing.
This brings us back to turning 49. My mom had her heart attack shortly after her 49th birthday. This by itself probably doesn’t sound that serious, but there’s more…
My grandma (mom’s mom) passed away from a heart attack… guess what the magic number was… 49! There are many other cases of heart disease in the family, but these two instances are enough to concern me (and now my doctor). Just in case you still think I’m being overly paranoid… my dad had four bypasses performed only two years after my mom!
Once I had children, mortality became all too real for me. You don’t realize how different you’ll feel about dying until you’ve given birth to these little creatures that are 100% dependent on you for ALL of their needs.
Now that the dreaded 49 is a mere seven years away… I can’t help but wonder and worry. I get regular check-ups, eat well, and exercise (sort of). The sad thing is… one place that’s extremely tough to monitor are our arteries.
You can have an EKG or a stress test, but to know if those arteries are clogged or not is a mystery. I know they’re coming out with new tests and ultrasounds to try and get a better look… but my doctor doesn’t offer anything like this yet. I’ve been in to see him as recently as last week, and we’re working on bringing my anxiety levels down… then we can discuss other preventative options.
Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And if worry can’t accomplish a little thing like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things? Luke 12:25-26
What I’m coming to realize (slowly) is there isn’t anything more I can do. I’ll continue to take care of myself, work with my doctor, enjoy my family, and pray!
There are no guarantees in life, and for obvious reasons… stress is the LAST thing me or my heart need right this minute. So now it’s time for me… someone who has been a worrier and a stresser since I was a young girl… to try and make some serious changes. I know I’m not alone, and that He will give me the courage and strength I need.
I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me. Psalm 16:8
I need to trust more, fret less, and hang onto the faith and hope that have brought me through some incredibly difficult times in the past… and I know won’t fail me now!
{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
My father and grandfather died at almost exactly the same age — 70 almost 71. Though they died from entirely different causes, it does make me think — and I think about it more now thanI did when I was 40. Yet if we are a child of God, we now our days are precisely numbered, and he knows exactly our day and time — and it will be according to his timing and the timing will be exactly right.
Although there are times I still wonder about it…
Our days are precisely numbered as you said, Glynn. Yet, it is in our nature to still wonder…
The stress of not knowing something is the most difficult to manage. Faith, I think, helps get us over it. And what Glynn says.
The unknown is the worst feeling ever!
Bridget,
Although mine isn’t linked to an age, I have some of those same worries. Cancer is very prevelant in my family and my biggest fear is that I’ll miss warning signs & find out too late. Your realization that you just need to trust God with this is very encouraging and helpful to me.
I’ll be 30 in 34 days. Haha!
And I loved your comment about being 29 and not believing 30′s right there. That’s right where I am.
Melissa
34 days… not that you’re counting, right Melissa? hehe
My husband battled cancer and though we’ve been told it shouldn’t increase our kids odds of getting cancer… I worry.
Well I’m 49 and can relate to some of this. I look like I’m in good health..I’m not overweight and don’t smoke, etc. but recently my cholesterol has been high and my bp too. Part of aging but still it does get you to thinking (and worrying). We can do our part of course but anxiety has crept in on occasion.
My father in law lost his father and grandfather at age 54 so naturally he had a lot of anxiety and would always tell us he didn’t expect to live past 54. He turned 75 this year. He has never taken great care of himself so go figure?
I really cling to the verse…’Cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you.’ 1 Peter 5:7 I call it up whenever I feel anxious about anything. So much of life is beyond our control but thankfully God is the author of it all.
I think you hit the nail on the head by saying… so much of life is beyond our control. That is really difficult to accept… things that are out of our control. Thanks, Joyce.
Bridget,
Thanks for the reminder about controlling our worry. I was born in 1970 and I remember often while growing up thinking I would be 30 years old in the year 2000. Back then that seemed light years away. Well, it wasn’t. I’ll turn 40 this year and they seem to come oh so quickly now. I’ve heard preachers ask why Christians seemed so worried about dying and that we should, in fact, look forward to it. Well, I haven’t gotten there yet. I still want to hold on a little longer here…
I hear ya, Jeff. 40 used to seem like some ancient age… now I like to think of it as the new 25!
I obsess over death at times, I also have heard that we shouldn’t fear it… but I don’t feel like I’m done here quite yet.
Thanks for the comment!
My cousin had similar concerns as well. His dad died before turning 60, and our grandfather died at 57. He’d had several heart attacks over several years. My cousin was very much concerned about his family history, and I could see why: he is the spitting image of my late grandfather, whom I only know from pictures.
Long story short (too late?), he has exercised and ate healthily for the last 15 to 20 years, and he looks younger, fitter, and is the healthiest of all of my cousins, including myself. He is ten years older than the next oldest cousin, and twenty years older than me! He made it past Grandpa’s age. Not only do we know more about health now, but we also take family history into account more.
Do what you can, trust God with the rest.
Love you!
It really come down to this… you never know!
Like you said… do what you can and trust God with the rest!
Thanks… love you too, Helen.
Fear and anxiety are hard ones to manage! I hear what you’re saying- I try to eat right, exercise, and all that, but you just don’t know. At the moment, I have other pressures and things trying to overwhelm me with fear and anxiety. I fight through and trust God to bring me to the other side. Thanks Bridget.
Hang in there, Jason. This is one of the hardest things for me… letting go and trusting. I like control (go figure) and giving it up would be the best thing for me… if I can bring myself to actually do it.
I’m 47 & I can’t believe 49… & 50 is approaching. My dad died at 59. Hope to stick around a while since I have our 3 month old surprise & 4 other kids too. I’m glad God is in control!
We have to constantly remember that… God is in control! And wow, Eddie… a 3 month old surprise miracle… (enjoy)
You are SO not alone! I turn 43 next month and my dad had his first heart attack at 42, as did my grandfather. Just like you, God has been speaking to my heart that only I can control my stress level, no matter what my circumstances. I have thought about this a great deal and have several ideas on how I can achieve this, but still find myself really having to work at it several times a day. The important thing, I suppose, is that I AM working on it. We’ll work on it together! Do you mind if I steal your post theme today?
I’m sorry to hear that you have these same worries… but it’s nice to know I’m not alone. So many of us are faced with stress in one form or another!
Feel free to use the theme… and hang in there, April.
one little glass of red wine with dinner.
less than that, no help…more than that, can cause other problems.
that i what i have heard, anyway.
I’ve heard this too. I’m not a fan of red, but white (and sweet) is another story.
Thanks, nAncY.
As you know, this is my bailiwick – the heart stuff AND the stress. I see in our patients every day what an effect they have on each other. There’s not a dang thing you can do about getting older, but so much you can do to protect yourself. Your awareness is the first step.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Prov 4:23 – that verse has taken on a whole new meaning for me.
I’m many, many years older than you, Bridget. I have seen many 49′s. When it comes to heart disease, I’ve always believed “Genetics loads the gun but environment pulls the trigger.” Medicine has come a very long way since your mother’s heart attack. Praise God for His gifts of brilliant researchers and physicians, and for giving us that free will when it comes to our lifestyles. Do what you can, and leave the rest to Him.
I appreciate you, Candy. I know this is your area of expertise and appreciate your thoughts.
I am working on leaving the rest to Him…
“Once I had children, mortality became all too real for me. You don’t realize how different you’ll feel about dying until you’ve given birth to these little creatures that are 100% dependent on you for ALL of their needs.”
My wife and I have talked several times about how our view of death changed when we had kids. Things we did previously now seemed much more dangerous for some reason.
I loved your post. It was so encouraging. And you’re right. All we can do is live life and trust the rest to God’s hands.
Funny how things change. We laugh about things we watch or listen to as well… we now see them through a ‘kid filter’ … and suddenly they look much different than they used to.
Thanks for the kind words, Chuck.
For years, every year around her birthday my mom would tell us, “I’m going to die when I’m 62. Both my parents died when they were 62. I have aunts and uncles that died at 62. That’s when I’m going to die.” Nice, huh? Anyway, I guess she forgot that only God knows when our number is up. She’s 77, btw. And can run circles around most folks in their 60s.
I love it! She’s 77 and going strong. We used to joke about the 49 thing, but now it is too close and too real (and it scares the crud out of the kids). Now we focus on how I’m taking good care of myself and that God will take care of the rest.
“Once I had children, mortality became all too real for me.”
Amen to that.
If it makes you feel any better…..I’ll hit 49 a few years ahead of you and I’ll let you know how it goes. {{{hugs}}}
Thankfully we are in the best Hands ever……let us embrace that, as He embraces us.
I’ll be happy to accept that embrace… and the hugs too, Michelle.