Welcome to the One Word at a Time Blog Carnival on Gentleness.
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April 20 – Self-control
May 4 – Joy
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One Word at a Time…Gentleness
A few nights ago we attended a 35th anniversary celebration. The couple are long time friends of my in-laws, and decided to renew their vows at the very same church where they were married.
As I sat there watching them recommit their love and lives to one another, I got to thinking about how much they’ve been through. It isn’t easy to make a marriage last, even under the best of circumstances.
Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. Ephesians 4:2-3
They’ve faced some extremely difficult situations (you name it, they’ve faced it), yet they chose to face them together. With continued prayers and faith, I hope they have many blessed (happy and healthy) years ahead of them.
This is a rare find today… so many couples give up when the first tough issue comes along. The vows they take on their wedding day are reduced to just words… nothing more.
for better, for worse…
This means that when he leaves the toilet seat up, or his socks stink up the room, she doesn’t run for the hills. It also means when she doesn’t cook the way his mommy did, or is too tired to scratch his back before bed… he understands and doesn’t complain.
Of course there’s the more serious stuff. The times there are family misunderstandings that one of you is stuck in the middle of… one of you loses a job… or you disagree on how to discipline the kids.
This is the time to let gentleness and humility guide you.
for richer, for poorer…
It’s pretty easy to feel happy and content while you’re on a cruise, or going out to nice dinners whenever you feel like it… but when you have to cut out all the extras, vacations become obsolete, and you can’t pay the bills… things can get really difficult.
It seems like when I hear of acquaintances who are getting divorced, many of them are losing their homes and dealing with bankruptcies as well. So much stress and strain is related to our finances.
These are the times we tend to forget our promise… for richer, for POORER… and our vows once again become only words. Practicing patience and gentleness are key to a marriage surviving.
in sickness or in health…
So many of us get married while we’re still young, and the idea of getting sick is completely foreign. We assume it’s so far off that we don’t give it any real consideration.
Unfortunately we’re not always that lucky. Sickness and tragedy can strike at any age, and there isn’t a limit on how long you have to be married before it does.
I used to find it unbelievable that couples could break up during these types of situations. If one of them is sick, or maybe their child is… the pressure becomes too great.
Having been through cancer with my hubby while our children were still babies, I got a better understanding of how awful it can be. You take on a whole new role you never expected… especially not that soon.
You’re not only wife and mommy… you also become caregiver, nurse, and advocate. To say the least, it’s overwhelming and exhausting to take care of a two year old, a two month old, and an extremely ill husband… but not once did I ever consider walking away. Gentleness and love were what got us through.
to love and to cherish ’till death do us part…
When life throws those curve balls at us (and trust me… it will) we need to remember that the vows we took were more than regurgitated words. We’re bound to one another in love, humbleness, forgiveness, patience, peace, and gentleness. The commitment we made to our spouse before God, family and friends… is forever.
It shouldn’t take a situation where you could lose the one you love to appreciate what you have. We need to count every moment with our spouse as a blessing, and remember that there are no guarantees. We should live (and love) like each day could be our last… never assuming there will be a tomorrow.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
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The irony of failed marriages is that it comes down to the selfishness which fails to see that the very best thing for Self is the gentle spirit which makes possible the strength in togetherness.
Bridget, Since my husband and I are celebrating our 35th wedding anniversary this coming July, it’s like I went down memory lane (the good and the difficult stuff) for us with your beautifully-written post. I’ve never seen that Bible verse before, but I love the words.
As I was looking at gentleness, it is amazing how important it is and how we put it in a secondary position. It’s so important- especially in marriage! Thanks for the post and the carnival- feel like I understand this a little better now.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that gentleness in my wife is what attracted me to her so much in the first place….the way she talked and treated those around her–especially those who could do her no good made me want to know her more and be a better person myself.
My biggest problem now is probably taking that quality for granted in her and not appreciating every day as the blessing it is. Thanks for the reminder.
Jeff
I’ve been down the divorce path–it’s horrible and ugly, a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
This is a great reminder to be so thankful for those who love us through good times and bad, and to re-commit to gentleness and humility in ourselves.
It also reminds me to be gentle with those who end up in divorce, not to become judgmental, to remember that “there, but by the grace of God, go I.”
This is a beautiful reminder of the importance of staying true, being loving and allowing yourself to be loved.
Thanks Bridget — for this and for the Blog Carnival.
your writing is beautiful. Touching and inspiring.
Thanks for pointing out that gentleness can help us keep our promises when we “don’t feel like it.”
Insightful post, thanks for sharing your heart and your journey with us. O pray your husband will remain healthy, strong and gentl!
Jay
Gentleness has to start within our own families, or it’s useless and false.
We’re coming up on anniversary #37. Looking back, I can say that gentleness has played a key role throught all those years — both its presence and its absence. And its presence is much to be preferred.
Great post, Bridget.
I’m so proud of you for helping your husband through the time of his cancer. I only hope in the future, when I have a wife, I can remember that the vows are more than words.
Well written post, Bridget.
Thanks for the inspiration!
What a beautiful post. And how blessed you are to have each other……you blessed your husband with grace, patience, strength and true love during his trial……he reciprocated a lesson right back at you teaching you perseverance, trust, faith and humility and loving you more than he could imagine (I am sure!). What an amazing testimony of God’s spirit within your marriage.
The God we serve displays these same qualities in our lives…..how He loves you both!
You write with grace about the meaning of gentleness. Lovely.
gentleness is a very good ointment
Why is it so much easier to treat others with more gentleness than we treat those closest to us? Beautiful reminders her.
Beautiful post. Still relatively “new” at this marriage thing, but your words are no less true for me. Will this blog be around in 30+ years so I can refer back to it?
What a great post, Bridget. I agree with Sandra, it’s a shame that the ones we should be gentlest with are the ones we aren’t.
I’ve been on the “for better but NOT for the worst” trail … and I can understand why those words don’t always last. We didn’t take them lightly at the time … but at a young age you don’t always realize the potential devastation that lies ahead. And gentleness and grace cover that, too.
What a sweet story to lift our hearts – and turn them to gentleness… with your friend’s story … and yours. I can’t imagine how strong you were to take care of babies and a husband going through cancer. You definitely have something to pass onto us, Bridget!
Thank you all for the great comments and thoughts on this post. I hope I didn’t give the impression that divorce shouldn’t or couldn’t happen… sadly I’ve been down that road as well. It was terrible, but necessary!
Frank… guess we’ll see what the next 30 years have in store. ha!
You guys are awesome and we had another incredible carnival! Thanks again.