Emptiness (Blog Carnival)

Welcome to the One Word at a Time Blog Carnival on Emptiness.

Please add your link to the widget below**… then enjoy what others have written as well.

Upcoming dates/words:

June 15 – Compassion
June 29 – Strength
July 13 – Summer
July 27 – Ego
Aug 10 – Laughter
Aug 24 – Children

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One Word at a Time…Emptiness

For the last year or so, I’ve been struggling with depression and a feeling of worthlessness. I didn’t realize what was going on at first, but it became clearer as time passed that I was in a deep, dark hole of emptiness…

Over the years, I’ve dealt with plenty of difficult situations. Some were petty and small, while others were huge and overwhelming.

I was in an abusive relationship when I relocated to a new state where I felt very alone and afraid. Then I went through a divorce which left me emotionally scarred… with almost no self-esteem.

This is when I met my best friend and future husband, accepted Christ, and began finding my true self. I was already a pretty strong person, but with the new strength I found in my Savior, I felt like I could face anything.

It didn’t take long for my faith to be challenged with a very difficult pregnancy which left me on bed-rest, then eventually led to financial problems.

The hubby and I made it through, and three years after getting married we’d been blessed with an amazing two year old son, and a beautiful baby girl.

Tragedy once again struck when my husband was diagnosed with cancer, and I was left to take care of a toddler, a newborn, and an extremely ill hubby. This posed many difficult situations for our young family, and after a full year of torture, things slowly began to improve.

Life hadn’t always been kind, but I’d survived. I was tired and weary at times, but overall I found I was stronger than I ever could have imagined.

Then my world was shaken to the core. My best friend had a child who was sexually abused (Innocence and Healing), and I walked (and am still walking) through every step of the nightmare that followed, alongside her. Once again I dug deep, and found strength I didn’t know I possessed.

I certainly am not saying that these situations were easy to overcome… or that I never had any struggles or doubts. I’m just leading up to the day when I realized I no longer had any strength or fight left… the day I experienced the emptiness of feeling worthless and futile.

I truly believed everything was going to be fine… the market was slowing down and there were signs that real estate was going to take a big hit, I just didn’t see how serious it really was.

I kept using credit cards to pay our bills, believing that things would turn around and we’d be fine. I was mistaken. Things went from bad to worse, and I knew I had to get a job (outside the home) and leave the work from home job I’d been blessed with when my son was an infant.

We were in jeopardy of losing our home, the phone was ringing off the hook with anxious banks and collectors, and a job was really hard to come by. I’d just begun writing, and found it was an important part of my life. I didn’t want to deal with (and couldn’t handle) all the changes that were inevitably about to take place.

The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. 1 Corinthians 10:13

My mood and demeanor had changed. I wasn’t sleeping, and couldn’t eat without feeling sick… I’d been praying and hoping for a miracle… but the answers still hadn’t come and I was at the end of my rope.

God was stretching me and I was resisting… not a good combination!

I attempted to surrender and kept on praying… then things began falling into place. My hubby started getting very busy with real estate, and I learned about an opportunity to be a substitute teacher… which brings us to the present.

This is my second month as a sub in special ed. I couldn’t have found a job that could be any more fulfilling than this. The emptiness I was experiencing has been replaced with a sense of purpose. I’ve got stories to share with my family and on my blog, that I hope will help spread awareness and understanding.

The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalm 34:17-18

Coming out of this depression has been a difficult and slow process. I’m blessed beyond measure and am so grateful for all of you who have prayed for me, and offered encouragement and support.

Thanks for taking this journey with me… for the first time in a while… I’m excited to see what’s next.

Tagged as: Blessings, Blog Carnival, Emptiness, One Word at a Time, Prayer, Purpose, Struggles, Worthlessness